Dear 16 year old me.
Past: Dear 16 year old me. It feels amazing to be in love doesn't it. They say to guard your heart because you don't want to feel the ache you get when your heart breaks. He won't ever do that... you tell yourself over and over again that this one is different. Different to the no-good idiots that you liked before. Yes he is different. If I had known then what I know now, I would tell you to get yourself out of this mess that you are in. I'm sorry.. really I am. It's going to hurt for a long time, and right now 256 is anything but a number to you. It has too much meaning. However 1:15 will soon have a lot more meaning to you. But you learn from your mistakes, the good ones you make and the.... not so good one that you just made. It is dangerous to trust someone so much.. and maybe right now it feels like this moment will last forever, but as soon as one door opens another must close.
Present: Dear 16 year old me. Never have you been so hyper-aware to the couples around you. It feels like every Christmas movie you sit and watch you shout at, Love feels like a myth right now. Something you think you have found until it gets pulled away from you.. but it does happen and unfortunately although the timing is lousy it has happened to you. But think two weeks back where you sat in bed and just cried.. letting every feeling overlap itself until there was too much. Those days are far behind you now, and I am so proud of you for how far you have come in such a short space of time. Losing two of the most important people in your life is tough.. but you can do this. You are capable of so much. Breaking down is not something that you do often, so I do understand, just remember that although this may feel like the end of the world right now, things are destined to get better.
Future: Dear 16 year old me. Please tell me I stop feeling like this, in the future I can go out and not worry about bumping into somebody I no longer want to see. Tell me I have a new found confidence in myself.. After broken promises it seems hard to build myself up again, it doesn't seem to be working so far. I fear that fake smiles and a mask to cover up true feelings are all the craze right now. For fear of being yourself. I understand that everything gets better in time, and I pray that future 16 year old me is reading this with a massive smile on their face because 'of course it gets better'. I said that two weeks ago and look where I am now... That is where my disbelief must come from.
Love from me at 16 on the 16th of December.
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